Dick Clark's Rockin' 2012 Apocalypse

I've been expecting the eschaton and leading my life as though it
were imminent for some time now, and frankly I am getting a
bit impatient. Since 2004 obviously didn't pan out I'm now putting my
chips on 2012 for the sheer inordinately large number of citations of
it as the ultimate, or at least a notable (and not in a good way) year.
A cursory and noninclusive iteration of predictions &/or causes for
EndTime:MMXII includes (in no particular order) A) the fact that it's
the last year in the Mayan Calendar, which while the specific
implications may be ambiguous, most Codex Scholars agree it can't be
anything good[1], B) Tibetan astrologers and remote viewers forecasting
global thermonuclear warfare AND timely intervention by UFOs[3], C)
the Bible Code's ETA for yet another killer comet on the way[2], D)
reversal of both the Sun & Earth's magnetic poles, bound to be
disorienting at best[2], E) the date beyond which CG Jung could not see
when he was plumbing the Collective Unconscious when compiling his
Red Book, and would get irritable and tetchy when questioned further[4],
F) Terrence McKenna's carefully worked out scientific date for the
culmination of his Novelty Theory wherein the measureable and
accelerating process of human innovation will reach critical mass,
promising an encounter with a transdimensional object and (deep breath)
Hyperspatial Breakthrough, Planetesimal Impact, Alien Contact,
Historical Metamorphosis, Metamorphosis of Natural Law, Solar
Explosion, Quasar Ignition at theGalactic Core[5], G) the beginning of
the Fifth World predicted by Hopi prophecy, promising Global
Thermonuclear Warfare & a final Manichean-type showdown between
matter & spirit[6], H) the projected arrival date of Carl the Unfortunate
whose arrival will be heralded simultaneously as i. Christ's Return, ii. the
Antichrist, iii. the Maitreya or reincarnation of Lord Buddha, iv. the
promised Jewish Me'khia, v. the return of the Shi'ite 12th Imam, vi. the
False Prophet foretold by certain Sunni, vii. the return of a certain alien
species that interferes w/ human destiny, etc., which even though Carl
will strenuously disavow any connection to any of these holy &/or unholy
figures, and insist he's just a regular guy like you or me will still cause
mass confusion & name-calling[7]. If only one fourth of these forecast
events come to pass 2012 promises to be quite a busy year indeed.
And you gave up smoking!

[1] http://www.levity.com/eschaton/Why2012.html
[2] http://www.religioustolerance. org/end_wrl18.htm
[3] http://www.indiadaily.com/edit orial/12-26-04.asp
[4] can't locate a cite, but remember this bit from a Jung biopic,
specifically an interview part with Jung scholar Laurens van der Post,
right before he chides the immaturity of human's thinking we can trash
this planet & just amscray into some outer space colony &/or have our
asses miraculously saved by Benevolent Space Brothers (see fn [2])
[5] http://www.levity.com/eschaton /finalillusion.html
[6] http://www.welcomehome.org/rainbow/prophecy/hopi1.html
[7] comments overheard in drunken rant by Doug, Self-Appointed Advance
Man for Carl the Unfortunate, 17 Aug 2005, Mooney's Pub, Br'klyn NYC